just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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