There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love having hate sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
