I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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