oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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