Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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