I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
