i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
