the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
