I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
