im having a threesome with these popsicles
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize