Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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