What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
