So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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