Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
