What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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