dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
