Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
