I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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