I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize