bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
