you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
