yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
