I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
