So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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