I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
