So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
