Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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