If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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