"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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