I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
