I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
