There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
