dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
