I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
