the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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