The maid of honor just puked.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
