I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
