well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
