He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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