Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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