I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
