guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
