My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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