escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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