There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
