my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
