Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
