Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize