lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My penis needs a shock collar
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
