No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
