can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize