I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Randomize
