i permit you to call me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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