white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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