someone threw a dead crab at me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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