her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize