Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
