Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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