my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
