I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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