Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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