So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
