you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
