I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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