im about as happy as oj after his trial
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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