just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
