does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
